The Annual Draco Malfoy Shipping Convention
by SomeoneKnew
Summary: Draco Malfoy is mysteriously transported to a Muggle fan convention in his honor! He meets himself from the Dramione, Drinny, Drapple, Drarry, Druna, and Very Potter universes! Lots of exclamation marks! More interesting then it sounds! REVIEW! Note: the plus is because of other peoples' stories. ON HIATUS/BEING REWRITTEN
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't know if this is a real thing. If it is, I don't own it. However, I do own Harry Potter and am making tons of money off of this fic. *ninja army of lawyers surround me* Ok, ok, I'm kidding! Sheesh, some people have no sense of humor... ANYWAY! Please review if you like. Review if you hate too. :P Onward...**

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"Come on Draco", said Astoria impatiently, pulling him along. He stumbled after her up the stairs, wishing he could just go back to the Room of Requirement to work on the Cabinet. He _needed_ to get it done, or his Lord would move up from simply torturing him and his family. Suddenly, in an extremely cliche flash of light, the world around him disappeared.

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Draco sat up, blinking as the blinding(and still cliche, but the author was desperate) light about him faded. He shook his head to clear it and as he looked up, a building caught his eye that wouldn't usually, if not for the sign on it that bore his name. **Annual Draco Malfoy Shipping Convention** , the sign read. How odd... Luckily for the author, Astoria was nowhere to be seen, because it would have been hard to maneuvre two characters on her first fanfiction, especially with the plot she had planned. Getting to his feet, he opened the doors and walked into a room packed with Muggles. He slipped on Malfoy mask # 12:Thinly veiled distaste. As he scanned the room, his carefully established mask fell away, to be replaced by utter horror.

All the Muggles were swarming aroundsix points in the room, the points being occupied by...himself? No, no, it must be an imposter, under Polyjuice, he thought frantically, because there was no way he would ever, _ever,_ we're talking not-even-if-we-were-the-last-two-people-on-earth-and-I-got-butterflies-in-my-tummy-whenever-I-look-at-her never( **A/N:Starkid forever!** ), would he ever _hug_ Hermione Granger. As his gaze whipped around the room, his heart sank lower and lower. There was another him staring longingly at an _apple_ of all things, another him declaring his love to-he shuddered- eurgh, _Potter_ , he was holding hands with that mad Lovegood girl, another him was, thankfully, alone but seemed to be a _girl_ , and worst of all, as he looked around desperately for some bit of _normalcy_ , he was _kissing a Weasley!_ He groaned and put his head in his hands. For once, he was fervently hoping that his father would _not_ hear about this.

Suddenly, he felt a touch on his arm. "Excuse me, where did you get your costume? I had to make mine", came a voice. Startled, he looked up to find a Muggle next to him, staring at him kindly and curiously. He jerked his arm away from her, only to find that she'd taken ahold of his robes and was inspecting them and his badge thoroughly. "My name's something for me to know and you to find out, but this summer you can call me Luna."

"Let go of me, you filthy Muggle!" he hissed. At that her eyes flashed dangerously behind blue-rimmed spectacles.

"I'll have you know, my letter was simply mixed up with the rejection letter reserved for mistakes, and they just haven't noticed yet," she said, daring him to contradict her. She let go of his tie but moved to stand in front of him, blocking his escape. "And you're one to talk, seeing as there are hundreds of stories saying that your precious Pureblooded ancestry is fake and you're secretly a Veela. Then again, there are plenty with Hermione being your sister, or Blaise's. He seems nice, it's a pity the books don't pay enough attention to him. But anyway"she sighed"I ramble. Who do you ship? Personally, I don't see much in the Drapple universe myself, although don't let them hear you say it-" she inclined her head toward his doppleganger with the apple "-they'll likely rip you apart."

"Excuse me, but what are you talking about?" he asked. "What is this 'Drapple', and for that matter, what are ships?"

She laughed, thinking he was joking, but quickly saw that he was serious-or as she thought of it, sirius. In her opinion, Harry Potter was a language, a lifestyle, a religion, a diet sometimes, the thing that gave her life meaning, and a wesome. "Wow, where have you been your whole life?"she asked. "With your lack of electronic knowledge, one would think you'd lived in Hogwarts for real!"

"But I did", he said, so confused by this point that he forgot to call this "Luna" a Muggle. Not that he'd ever admit it though. He had a reputation to consider!

She fell silent, staring at him. If he hadn't been a Malfoy, he'd have shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. But he was, so he didn't. Instead he took a look at her appearance, noting her brown eyes behind the aforementioned spectacles, her light brown shoulder-length hair with one thin sloppy braid at the front right, her black robes that were messily made, and her badge made of tinfoil, cardboard and marker. He was pleased to note that her badge was Slytherin. When he pointed this out, she said that "Gryffindors were likeliest to die, she couldn't keep a secret and therefore be a Hufflepuff, Ravenclaws were boring and you couldn't become Minister for Magic without ambition." Very true, he thought. He had thought that he'd never meet someone with the same views as him.

She finally stopped staring at him and said, "I suppose the shock's gotten to me. That's the only possible reason why I'm not shrieking with joy because I met Draco Malfoy, the bane of Harry's Hogwarts existence, and, according to them" she pointed at the people clustered around the him by Potter "his secret crush. I really don't know what they're going on about."

Draco spluttered at the "secret crush" comment. Satisfied that she could rattle the unrattleable, _the_ Draco Malfoy, she grabbed his hand and pulled him over to a deserted room. "Excuse me for a moment", she said, then added, "You should probably cover your ears." He stared at her, uncomprehending, and when the words' meaning finally got to him, it was too late. He raised his hands to his ears slowly a second after she started screaming and jumping around in circles, gibbering to herself."EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEIjustmethimEEEEEEEEEEEETheMalfoyIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEsoexcitedEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She stopped after about an hour by his reckoning, although it had only been half a minute, and said,"Ok, I think I've gotten the fangirling out of my system now. Sooo...Let's start over!"she said cheerfully, as if she hadn't almost made Draco deaf. She stuck out her hand and said,"Luna Someone-whose-surname-you-aren't-about-to-find-out, at your service."

"Erm...Draco Malfoy, at yours, I suppose", he said doubtfully. They shook hands, and Draco dropped mine quickly, as though it had burned him. Oops...The author realised that she had revealed who Luna is, and proceeded to get on with the story.

It took a while, but she finally explained to Draco what shipping was and that this was a meeting of every "shipper" of the five couples. "But what about the me who is alone?"he asked.

"OH, she's only the greatest portrayer of you to ever exist! Meaning no offense to Tom Felton, but she's amazingly funny! Lauren Lopez, actress for Draco Malfoy in the Very Potter Musicals. And speaking of alternate HP realities..."here she tugged on his arm yet _again_ , taking no notice of how far his jaw dropped at his being played by a _girl"_...this is my chance! They said they could only let in themselves or some such twaddle. It's all a load of hippogriff poo, but anyway, here we are!" They'd stopped in front of the Draco who was now making out with the Mudblood, and Luna had to cough several times before he noticed her.

"You again? I told you, only I and whoever I choose to bring with me can dimension-skip. Now, go away..." His voice trailed off as he noticed who was next to her. "OH! Well, that's a different matter. Well, come on then!" He produced a small jacknife and Luna gasped.

"I knew it!"she said excitedly. "You're from Jacknifed! That's one of my favourite Dramione stories!" She grabbed hold of the knife and turned to Draco-the _real_ one.

"Grab hold, it's an Interdimensional Portkey," informed the fake Draco, who the real one decided to call the King of Hearts because his name backwards was Ocard, which had card in it, and the other one seemed sappy eough to be the King of Hearts. To his face, he would be referred to as Lewis, for the writer of Alice in Wonderland. He had no idea why his mind worked in this odd, jumpy way, it just did. He touched his finger to the knife and felt the normal jerking around his midriff, while Luna gasped-she'd never traveled by Portkey before. The world around them swirled into blackness, and then he opened his eyes to a deserted classroom.

 **A/N: SO, how'd you like it? Note: I don't own Alice in Wonderland, however much the junior musical's songs are stuck in my head, and the same goes for AVPM, Dramione, Drinny...basically everything here except for me(who is Luna). I don't even own my own name! PLEASE REVIEW! Reviews are to an author what chocolate is to a Dementor victim. You don't want me to become depressed, always reliving my darkest memories, do you? That's what I thought. So, please save this victim and send me lots of chocolate and reviews! I will give the first reviewer a chocolate-chip cookie! :D So, review! Potterhead OUT! :D**


	2. Chapter 2: Jackknifed, Part 1

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter any more than I own** **Jacknifed** **, witch, in the immortal words of Starkid, is "totally awesome!" That honour belongs to ElfMaidenOfLight. You should definitely check out her stories, not least because it'll be extremely difficult to understand what's happening without doing so. Thanks goes from the bottom of my heart to EmmyEliz, who was my first follower, you're the best! and to Lubnah10, who was my second follower, first favoriter(Is that a word?) and gave me my first review! Here is your cookie (:.':) Lots of choco chips! Now, where were we? Oh yes, they just used the interdimensional Portkey. So, on with the story!**

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Luna's POV

Luna Something-that-is-for-you-to-wonder-about stumbled, but felt quite proud of herself. In the books, Harry very nearly threw up when he first used a Portkey. Then she noticed that Draco(SQUEEEE! I knew it! My rejection letter really was from Hogwarts, witch means they considered accepting her! SO HAPPY! she thought) hadn't even seemed dizzy and scowled. Then she looked around and brightened. "No way", she breathed.

They were standing in a deserted classroom, and the Dramione Draco was lounging on a desk, his legs slung over to one side while his elbows propped him up, staring at the door. Her heart beat faster. _She recognised this!_ This was chapter 1 of  Jackknifed, witch meant... She swung around and pulled Draco behind a desk, taking no notice of his protests. "We've got to keep quiet and _out of sight, do you hear?_ "she hissed. Surprisingly, he didn't argue as much as expected, and she leaned around the desk bottom to watch the door. Sure enough, it opened-pushed by none other than Hermione Granger, frizzy hair, overloaded book bag and all.

"If any of the Professors find you in here, alone, without a teacher you'll get detention! As a Pefect-" Luna squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated on not screaming with happiness. She knew _exactly_ what Hermione was thinking, that _oh no, it's not a couple of snogging first-years at all! It's Draco Bloody Malfoy!_ If she didn't absolutely love the ending, she'd sympathise with her, but she wanted desperately to see it playing out right before her eyes. With a start, she realised she'd missed seeing the look on Hermione's face when Draco insulted her and threatened to hex her. Oohhhh...here it was...the legendary scene that gave the fic its title. She watched with bated breath as Hermione tried to grab the dancing jackknife that was carving "DIE MUDBLOOD" into the wood, and instead was cut.

"Stupid mudblood! I would appreciate if you didn't get your mudblood germs all over my-" Dramione Draco's words were suddenly cut off as the knife sliced open his palm as well. The knife, after being disenchanted by Hermione, that would eventually bring them together, had their blood mingling on the edge of the blade. Then came the odd part of the chapter, thought Luna, where he tastes their blood.

"What Malfoy? Surprised that my blood doesn't taste like dirt? Like mud? Surprised they taste the same, yours and mine?" Luna thought to herself at Hermione's words, _But they don't. Yours tastes like mahogany, his like ice water. Of course, that only happens in the next chapter, but still... Oh well._ The author dithered for a moment, trying to decide what scene to transport them to next, then selected their next destination.

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Draco's POV

As the now-familiar light faded, Draco found himself in the Hogwarts library. Suddenly he heard a squeak. He looked to his left at Luna, who was staring at a table, more importantly the girl sitting at the table. She dragged him behind a shelf and shut her eyes, breathing heavily with a rather large grin on her face. He waited for her to calm down with Malfoy Mask # 4 plastered across his features:patient annoyance. Once she got hold of herself, she explained to him in a whisper that they'd been pulled inside a fanfiction, and this was the scene where, after being interrupted by Hermione twice in a deserted classroom, Lewis (she didn't call him that, she instead said Dramione You)decided to fail at confronting her. "In fact..."she said quietly, careful not to let Her- _Granger_ hear. She peeked around the shelf to watch the entrance. Lewis entered the library with a bang and strode over to Granger's table. Draco frowned. A Malfoy wasn't supposed to act like that. ( **A/N: Read Jackknifed to understand what's happening.**) He watched the exchange between Granger and Lewis with one disapproving eyebrow raised.

"What is is Malfoy?"

"Huh?" Draco silently groaned. _What happened to your Pureblood upbringing?_ he scolded in his mind. _You're supposed to say "Pardon?"! Yes, she's a mudblood Gryffindor, but you have to uphold the Malfoy name!_ He resigned himself to watching him make a fool of himself.

"What do you want Malfoy?" Draco buried his head in his hands. Lewis was an idiot. Granger was still talking. "Well, you didn't come here to bully me, seeing as you're just sitting there. You aren't here to pester Harry and Ron, seeing as they're not here. So, I ask again, Malfoy. What do you want?"( **A/N: I totally wanted to make him say, "I WANT HERMIONE GRANGER! and a rocket ship. BUt, *sigh* I have to save that for when they meet Lauren Lopez.** ) Surprisingly, at the end of their "conversation", Lewis followed Granger out to the Owlery. The author resigned herself to another half-hour looking through chapters to determine witch one to show them next. But first, Luna had some thoughts to share.

Back to Luna's POV

She was beyond excited as the light around her faded. As she looked around, she ticked off the details on her mental check-list of their surroundings. _Madam Pince? Check. Windows up high? Check. Huge, precarious mound of books around bushy brown hair? Check (SQUEEEE!). Rows of books going on forever? Check. WOOOHOOOOOO!_ she mentally screamed. _I'm in the Hogwarts library!_ She would have loved to stay there forever, but she had a job to do- namely, show DRACO MALFOY(Extreme Potterheadedness, activate!) all the ships. Granted, it didn't sound like much, but she was just happy to have anything to do with the meaning of her life, her language, lifestyle, and fandom, the Harry Potter series. From the drawn lines of Draco's face and overall worriedness, she guessed that he was in sixth year. Oh no... Dumbledore! She nearly cried but strengthened her resolve to not change a thing. The author decided that the rest of Luna's long-winded thoughts were too much of a pain to type out and decided to simply bring them to the Owlery of chapter 12: A Toast.

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"I didn't think you'd meet me here." Luna nearly hit the ground, witch would have been worse than usual because she and Draco were sitting atop a beam above the other Draco and Hermione's herself up, she narrowly avoided a splinter and thought for a moment. She then realised exactly where, or perhaps when, they were. Draco and Hermione had just come back from Hogsmeade after Blaise, Ron, Harry and Theodore Zabini, Weasley, Potter and Nott, respectively, ridiculed him for calling Hermione a muggleborn instead of Mudblood. She tuned back into the conversation happening below her.

"Thank you."Luna quickly looked over at Draco to see how he'd react to himself being so kind today. "For being so kind today." As expected, Draco looked gobsmacked. She looked down again just in time to catch the tail end of Other Draco's next words.

"You're...welcome." She looked at Draco again, and just in time-he looked like he was about to explode. She clamped her hand over his mouth, deciding to ignore for a moment the fact that she had her hand over Draco Malfoy's mouth, focusing instead on the pivotal plot moment happening , that one. The one witch she'd missed the first line of.

"I brought them."

"What for?"

"Gesture of good faith." To distract herself from the fact that she was in the room with _two_ Draco Malfoys _and_ Hermione Granger, she began mentally singing A Very Potter Musical. ( **A/N:I wrote this from memory, so if a word or two is wrong, don't hate.** ) _Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt. Can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never, ever give me what I want. I know I don't deserve these, awful rules made by the Dursleys here on, Privet Drive. Can't take these stupid Muggles, but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive. I'm sick of summer and this waiting around, Man it's September so I'm skippin' this town._ As she inwardly belted out the first chorus, she was vaguely aware of the pivotal moment in the Dramione relationship happening below.

The other Draco had given Hermione a bottle of Butterbeer, and had exchanged some banter as he opened them. "A toast, then," said Hermione."To a newly hewn friendship." OD(other Draco) lifted his bottle to hers and hesitated. "Do you know what you're doing, Draco?" asked Hermione softly. He was silent for a long minute and then said yes. They clinked, and as the white light blanketed their surroundings, Luna finally saw fit to remove her hand from Draco's mouth.

 **A/N: So, this is part 1 of this chapter of 2. The reason I split it is because I wanted to get this out to you guys quickly. I promised it to you yesterday, but I went canoeing and watched fireworks and all sorts of stuff happened. So, I hope you liked it. Also, this is VERY IMPORTANT. Should I make Luna and Draco a couple? Yes or no, because although it would be great, I can't see me and Draco as a pair. At the moment, he's sort-of tolerant of my "Muggle" status, but still doesn't like me. So, before they become friends or anything, I needed to know what to do. Also, if there's anything you don't understand, let me know and I'll either write the answer in the beginning of next chapter if that's ok, or PM you. Please review! Remember, depression is BAD and Dementor attacks are depressing without chocolate and an author without reviews equates to a Dementor attackee. Is that a word? I don't think so... Whatever. Potterhead OUT, and remember to review! BYEEEEEE!:) Oh PS, I won't update until I get at least 3 reviews saying to make or not make them a couple.**


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